Haram relationships.

﷽

السلام عليكم

I pray you're all well and in the best of imaan. This is a requested one and i feel like it is something that needs to be spoken about from a younger perspective, because so many of us often fall into this without realising.

I don't even know where to begin with this, but one thing i want to say, is that why are we searching for happiness in places far from Allah, far from where we've been guaranteed, and through those things that will only earn his displeasure?

So, there's a couple of reasons why such relationships are haraam, and no, not everything in Islam is halal and haraam for reasons of punishment or reward. Some things are such, to protect us. To protect our health, our imaan, our physical body, mental wellbeing and spiritual self.

One of the reasons why relationships are haraam is because of the affect it has on our mental state. Us (especially girls) start to feel really low and upset when there's been a breakup or argument, which then has an affect on how we function, and our attention to other things. We start wondering where it all went wrong and if we are to blame. It may even be someone that we were with 4-5 years ago, but it's taken such a toll on us, that we're still not able to get over it. It's not worth ruining ourself and our relationship with Allah, for a haraam relationship that won't last. Our attention starts drifting onto other things, even whilst in the relationship, and we slowly distance ourselves from Allah, and our ultimate purpose of worship.

Most of the time, being young, one person is usually only into the other because of looks, status or money. If someone really and truly cared for you, they wouldn't let you carry on in sin, and they'd approach your parents. If you're not at that age where you or the other person would be comfortable speaking to or addressing it to your parents, cut it out. Thats lust, it's not love. Love is something that is done halal, and it's a feeling Allah puts into both people. Lust is from shaytaan, which you often think is love, but it's not. Allah has created us as such that we have desires, he's created us to be compassionate and loving, but we need to use it in a halal way. We mustn't use our ni'mats (blessings) in acts of sin. (that goes for music, watching movies, going to haraam places) It's natural to be attracted to someones beauty or character, but keep it within shari'ah. It shouldn't give us an excuse to give into our nafs and follow the footsteps of shaytaan. Understand this, when something's been acquired through haram means, there will never be any barakah or happiness in it. Hence why such relationships never last. Or let's say your's is/has lasted, you may be thinking nothing's gone wrong, but i can guarantee, you're not experiencing that pure love and happiness that Allah puts in two peoples' hearts. Think about it, if you're doing something haraam/sinful, which Allah has forbidden you to do, then why and how do you think there'll be the presence of Allahs mercy?

Another thing, is that when there's 2 people alone, a man and woman, then shaytaan is the third person; and when shaytaan's there, you just know there'll be sin, in whatever shape or form.

The prophet (saw) said "No man should be alone with a woman because the Shaitan will be the third one present." (Musnad Ahmed; 177) One sin always leads to another, even the one you may think to be so small. It's really not worth the punishment and wrath of Allah upon both of you, just for you to satisfy your desires. By being together, you're both agreeing to take each other to Jahannam. On the day of Judgement, if a mother won't even care about her child, what makes you think your haraam partner will care about you? On a day that will be just nafsi nafsi (me and myself), you'll each be begging Allah to punish the other and not you, because it was the other person who brought you into sin. Stay away from it! Come out of your haraam relationship from now, repent to Allah, and make a promise to him that from now until you get married, you won't be involved in such sin.

How can we even remotely choose for ourselves, what we perceive to be, something/someone better for us, than what Allah, OUR creator, has destined for us. He knows us better than we know ourselves, so trust His plan. He's created everything in pairs; the sun and moon, night and day, life and death, and He's also created us in pairs. Let Him do the work, He knows when the times right. Who are we to go and break and ruin that perfect plan, thinking we know what we want and whats better for us? You know, we hear time and again, that there's someone written for everyone, and we'll get that person no matter what, and i only truly believed in this, once i heard my Apa's story. There were possible spouses for her here in UK, but her heart wasn't set on it. Who Allah had written for her, was half way across the world, but she didn't know of it. There was no texting, no social media. But when she went to Africa for something else, she came back with her Nikaah done! (and it was a matter of few days) These are the sort of miracles that happen when you let Allah carry out His plan.

I can't, honestly, if this isn't living proof for us to understand that when Allah has someone/something written for us, and we'll get it through whatever means, then i don't know when and what will make us trust him. We'll all get our person, even if that means you/them travelling half way across the world. Allah will create an excuse for us to go to that place, where we'll find that person. All we have to do is have faith in His plan. (ofc there's a lot out there in Islamic fiqh, on finding your own person, or then arranged marriage etc but i'm not going to touch on that only because of difference of opinion)

No one is ever worth it. The best guys/girls are those who won't fall into/let you fall into sin, they'll wait for when the times right, and then approach your parents. Anything other than that is where it all goes wrong. Being together, you think you're happy, but you're really not. It's just a constant rise of emotions, along with sin. Honestly, my young beautiful people, there's more to life than these haraam relationships. Focus on your education, your family, friends and your deen. Be the best Muslim, daughter, son, sister, brother you can be, and worry about relationships and marriage when the time comes.

Another thing, is to stay away from this for the sake of your parents. We've been given to them as an amanah (trust) from Allah, and they'll be questioned for all that we do by Allah. If you're not bothered about yourself, then at least think about your parents. The amount that they've done for us, they don't deserve our disobedience. Imagine how heartbroken they'd be if they found out; and this is probably the main reason we all fall into such haraam. We've been ordered by our parents not to do/go near such sins, but because we want to experience it, we go against what they've said. But they're only doing it for our benefit. Not just that, but even if our parents know, and they're such that they don't mind, then think about Allah? Just because your parents are fine with it, doesn't mean Allah is. You know, we've been told to listen and obey our parents with whatever they say/tell you to do, besides that which takes us away from Allah. In such circumstances, we're not obliged to obey them. With our parents being okay with us being in a haraam relationship, doesn't automatically make it halaal, but rather, they'll be sinful and held accountable for it.

Also, a lot of people say that they have intentions of marrying such a person in coming/later years, but who's guaranteeing you those years? Who's saying you'll live to get married and won't pass away whilst being together? With this in mind, end whatever you're in now, and if such a person is serious/ written for you, then in those couple of years, they'll be back to ask your parents. Don't stay in sin for those however many years.

As young people its hard. It's hard to fight off desires, to 'fit in', to want to look a certain way, to be on your deen, obey your parents, and be the best son/daughter all at the same time. But Allah can see that! He can see our struggles and hardship. He loves it when we fight our nafs and turn to Him, rather than give in to our desires. He sees our endurance, and that's what takes us closer to Him. By doing this, what we're saying, is that although i want all of this, want to go here, do this, be with this person, you o Allah are worth more than any of this, hence for your sake, i'm not going to give in. So pure.

Take a moment to think about this. The heart asks permission from Allah for it to beat every single beat, and not once, does Allah say no. He allows our heart to carry on even through the moments of sin and being in haraam environments. He doesn't have to, but He does. Thats his mercy; but we've become so selfish, and our hearts have become so hard, that we still continue sinning. One day we'll realise this was all wrong, but it will be too late; after we've passed away.

You know, while being in such relationships, we'll find ourselves getting further away from Allah. Without repenting and coming out of such sin, we'll find ourself constantly so far from Allah and there'll almost be a burden on our soul. I seriously say this, the grass truly is greener on the other side. All of this rubbish no longer amuses you or brings you satisfaction. What brings peace to the heart is the remembrance of Allah, because we're told time and again;

أَلاَ بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوبُ

"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest."

It's a guarantee.

Which brings me on to say, do we have a leaking bucket? Are we praying our salaah, but also in a haraam relationship? It just doesn't make any sense; on the one hand, we're praying to get close to Allah, but at the same time, we're getting further away from Him through disobedience.

One thing i want to say, is that there's nothing wrong with getting married young. In fact it's been encouraged to marry young, to stop us from doing all this haraam; and it's sad that this isn't encouraged as much in our community. Why do we have this perception that we first need to secure a degree, job, get a house, and have a certain amount of money before we can even think about marriage. Money should never be something that hinders us from getting married as soon as we can. Allah sorts that out for us. Getting married young is so pure, but of course there's a lot to take into consideration. If you're not going to get married soon, then come out the relationship.

You know, you'll never be able to love the creation of Allah so purely, without loving the creator. Honestly, and i say this from experience, loving Allah, changes the way and those that you love. You'll notice that you start to have an inclination towards people who you had once never even thought about, purely because of their deen and relationship with Allah. That's what they mean when they say loving your spouse for the sake of Allah. When you love Allah so much, you then love your spouse and others for the sake of Allah. When you get closer to Allah, you'll find you won't be interested in entertaining futile and useless conversations with such people because your priorities have changed.

I promise you all, there's more to life than relationships and engaging in haraam. Halal is the most beautiful. Remember, you will get whoever is written for you, by whatever means, so stop creating your own path to Jahannam.

If you are/ were in such a relationship, turn to Allah, repent to Him, and promise to never do such things again. Allah loves the one who repents.

Something less islamic, which i just want to mention, is that when it's time to get married, people ask around. People ask others what they know of/have heard of about you. You don't want it to be that your name is put into peoples' mouths because of the sinful life you used to live, and the relationships you used to be in. Through this, you end up being spoken quite negatively about, even if you may no longer be such a person. It's better that you stay preserved, rather than people tarnishing your name.

May Allah protect us all, safeguard us, allow us to be with each other the halal way, and bless us all with righteous and pious, loving spouses.

آمیـــــــــــــن یارب العالمین

And remember, there's more to life than worrying about and being in haraam relationships. Death can take us at any time, it doesn't wait for us to rectify ourselves. Having said that, leave such a toxic life behind from now, for the sake of Allah. Check your priorities.

I hope this was benefical, and don't forget to leave a like at the bottom, and sign in/up to leave a comment. Check out my other posts if you haven't already.

Lots of love xxx