Losing a loved one.

السلام عليكم I pray you're all well and in the best of imaan

This posts a bit different to the usual, but it was requested, and I thought it would be a great idea to speak about it, while shining a light on Islam. I truly hope this is helpful to everyone, whether you've lost someone or not. We've all lost people who were close to us, some have lost their whole support system; parents/guardians/ siblings, whilst other's haven't yet experienced such a loss, Alhumdullilah, may Allah take us all at a good time and when He's pleased with us, امين, but it doesn't mean we wont lose them one day.

But something more positive; is that we're told, Allah tests those whom he loves. Therefore we should try to take our battles, whatever it may be, as a blessing from Allah, for He loves us. Take them as a gift.

لا يكلف الله نفسا الا وسعها

‘Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear’

WHICH Prophet (as) did Allah not test? Our OWN Prophet Muhammad (saw) lost and buried 6 of his kids during his lifetime, lost his father whilst still in the womb, lost his mother at the age of 6, and lost his Grandfather Abdul Muttalib at 8. Yet he tells us to bare patience. Imagine, coming from the one who had to experience all of this, and even losing his beloved wife Khadijah (ra). Muhammad (saw) is THE MOST dearest to Allah, and if Allah loves our Prophet that much, yet still made him experience hardship upon hardship, then who are we to utter words such as ' why does Allah keep testing me', 'why does Allah always do this to me' May Allah save us. But rather, it's to show us, that we must be strong, Allah is with us, and He loves us.

وبشر الصبرين الذين إذا أصبتهم مصيبة قالوا إنا لله وإنا إليه ر جعون

‘And convey glad tidings to the patient ones, those, who say, when faced with a calamity, verily, we belong to Allah and to him we shall return‘

"To Allah we belong, and to Allah do we return"

We utter these words so blindly, but never truly ponder on what it's saying. If we look into the ayaat, it says BELONG. We ALL BELONG to Allah. We're His, and He's our ultimate owner. We're all simply an amaanat (trust/guardianship) to our parents. We dont belong to each other, we belong to Allah. Therefore how can we be so heartbroken (to the extent of depression/empty-ness) when none of us belong to each other?

واستعينوا بالصبر والصلوة

‘And seek help through patience and prayer’

Be strong, pray for them to Allah, make lots of dua for them, and make dua that you are reunited again in Jannah one day إن شاء الله . Turn to Allah, He wants you to cry to Him, to talk to Him. Ask Him to grant you sabr, to make it easy for you and your family, but ultimately to grant your loved one Jannatul-Firdous. If we don't turn to Allah in times like this, but rather prefer to confide in those around us, then at what point will we raise our hands to Allah. He's the giver of life and taker of life. Everything is in His hands, so turn to Him and pour your heart out.

Islam isn't saying don't be sad. We're told we must grieve, which is why we're given 3 days. However, it's only 3 days for a reason. Allah knows the nature of insaan. We've been created with emotions and feelings; whether you see yourself as such a person or not, its human nature, we're all created like that. He knows, if there wasn't a limit on the permissibility of grieving, we'd never stop, and never get back to our normal life. Death is a cycle of life, as scary as it is, and as much as we try to avoid it and push it to the back of our minds, we'll all experience it. Which is why, the Prophet (saw) continuously said, to the nearest meaning, 'constantly remember the destroyer of pleasures - death'. Truly, truly, when we begin to remember death often, we'll forsake ALL our desires and pleasures, for Allahs sake, and for the sake of eternal happiness instead.

The sad reality, is that none of us will be here forever. No matter how well and how comfortable we get here, we're soon going to have to depart all that we've done for this world. Be it work, money, relationships, friends, homes. My point is that we need to start seeing life and our relationships in this way. Nothing is OURS, as much as we want it to be, it isn't. Hence our loved ones and near and dear ones are not ours. As mentioned in my first blog, Allah has created our families in such a perfect way, because He knows we're the best for each other, but ultimately we're all Allah’s. We're all just companions, best suited to bring out the best in each other. However, this isn't to say we'll never be together again. Allah gives us hope. We're told about the life of Barzakh after death, where our souls will stay. (Before we're born, our souls are in Aalma-e- Arwah, which is why sometimes, when we see someone for the first time and they seem to be familiar to you, or seem to get on so well with someone after only speaking to them once, it's because our souls had met in that life and were good companions.) I love this.

But anyways, Barzakh life. Thats where our souls will be after we pass away. All the righteous souls are together and they all get excited when another righteous soul joins them. They start rejoicing and ask them about their loved ones on earth and how we all are. As i mentioned, it gives us hope, because when we know our loved ones who have passed away were righteous, it makes part of us feel happy, to know that we'll be reunited with them when we pass away also. For us Muslims, death isn't the end, and we all know this. Hence we may have lost a loved one, but it doesn't mean we will never be with them again. It's not the end, but rather it's the beginning of something new. If our loved ones were righteous, and we're also righteous, then inshAllah, through Allah's mercy, he'll reunite us in Jannah, where there will be no death; just pure eternal bliss. So be strong, rest assured, and know you'll see them soon إن شاء الله ❤️

Which leads me on to saying, fill up the bank of our loved ones' rewards.

Give as much Sadaqah-e-Jaariyah in their name as you and your family can. THIS is the biggest most important thing you could ever do for someone who's passed away, whether you know them or not. Some people don't have people to pray for them so send them rewards, they'll get so happy.

Abu Huraira narrates that Rasullulah (saw) said; None of you passes by the grave of a fellow believer that he knew in this life and sends salutations to him except that the deceased recognises him and responds to his salutation.” They receive our Duas! Our charity! Our praying for them. Give give give, it costs us nothing. But for them, it may be a means of their entry into Jannah, or saviour from the punishment in their grave.

A way to do this, is to pray something, absolutely anything, or give charity, and make intention to Allah, something along the lines of, 'Ya الله, i am giving this charity or i send this yaseen to all the Marhoom that have passed away, and I pray you reward them through the barakah of this yaseen/charity.' Please understand, our reward doesn't deplete in the slightest. We still receive the full reward for whatever good we may have done, as well as sending them the reward. But, as always, personalised gifts are always better. Theres much more of a sentimental value attached when he give people gifts with their name on it. Why? Because it shows we've thought about them and what they may like. In the same way, all those that have passed away, love it when you attach their name onto the gift. Take their names one by one. You can say 2, 5, 30, 50 names for just one yaseen prayed. Take time out every day and do this. In fact, when we pray yaseen at the start of our day, once we've prayed, send it as a reward. When we pray the 4 khuls as our protection, send it as a reward for them. It honestly requires no effort. This way إن شاء الله it should also bring comfort and solace to the family and grieving ones, as you know your loved one is getting immense reward, and i'm sure they don't want anything else besides your beautiful gifts.

We will never understand the needs of someone in their Qabar, until we're in that position. Don't we want our loved ones to pray for us? To send us rewards? To ease our punishments? But we'll only get this if we give.

A mans status will be raised in paradise, and he will ask, 'how did i get here'. He will be told, 'by your sons (or so and so's) duaa, for forgiveness for you'. Don't you want this for the people whom you love? They're no longer in this world to gain Allahs reward, but they've left you behind for you to do it for them. The most successful parents are those who leave behind righteous children, who will pray for them.

We're told, theres 3 things that follow a man to his grave; 2 of which will return, and one will stay. The 2 that return are his family and his wealth, and the one that stays with him is his deeds. Therefore increase in their deeds for them! However, this is also a lesson for us all. Our fame, wealth, money, job, none of it will do good for us when we pass away, none of it will accompany us, besides our deeds. If this is the case, then why are we not doing enough? Despite knowing what our end truly will be like, why are we not doubling and tripling up on our good actions? Why are we still so far from Allah and disobeying him? Why are we still trying to fulfil all the desires of this world, while neglecting Allah and our hereafter? It truly makes no sense to anyone. Stop giving into Shaytaan and your Nafs. Allah doesn't deserve our transgression.

Some advise:

If it's the death of parents, AVOID committing sins that will cause punishment to befall them and cause hardship. That's the worst thing we could do.

Another huge thing, is don't dwell in isolation! Stay around family, friends and those who are close to you, and keep your mind busy. Initially this will be super hard because you'll be missing a part of your life but thats why you need to keep yourself busy in order for you to calm down. Take every day as another day to get stronger and get closer to Allah. It's easier said than done, but turn to Allah, have faith in him, and know your loved one in protected.

Remember, everyone handles situations differently. Some get angry, some cry, some don't even show emotion, but don't use that to target people, and most definitely don't feel as though you're weak. Everyone has down days, we feel it a lot more on some days than others, and it takes some people longer than others to get to grips with life. Don't become so down that you fall ill, and feel incapable. That's impermissible in Islam. When you have those days where you feel extra down and you're remembering them a lot more, send a lot more duaas. We are told, Honour the guests of your heart and pray for those who cross your mind'. This isn't just for someone thats passed away btw. This is for anyone who may cross our mind, even if they're alive. When we remember someone send them a duaa, or pray for them. Allah has put them in our heart for a reason. Again, send them your yaseen as a reward. It was eid, and i remember my Apa telling us that she had no idea what to gift her family. So what she had done was she prayed them all a yaseen each, and gifted it to them. She printed out certificates and gave that, where their reward will be waiting for them in the hereafter. How beautiful is that. Do this for your loved ones every day.

Whether you've lost someone or not, think about all those that have passed away, and ponder on what their family must be going through. This way, we'll surely change our perspective on life. We'll understand that this life really isn't everything.

Just to finish off, don’t take family or those who are dear to you, for granted. We may never know when our time with them is the last, so always stay close for the sake of Allah. We could have them with us one day, and not, the next. It’s all a gift from Allah.

I apologise if i may not have spoken about how to deal with losing loved ones to your expectation, and i apologise if i may have gone off topic, but i've tried my best, and tried to take a different perspective.

Islam doesn't speak much about how the ones that have been left behind should be able to get over it, but rather, a death is more of a lesson for us all. Hence why i've tried to break it down to that. However, i do hope i've been able to comfort some of you.

Stay strong, turn to Allah, send lots of duaas, and remember,

لا يكلف الله نفسا إلا وسعها

’Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear’ ❤️

Lots of Love xxx